What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she looked like the before picture.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
