I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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