Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
