just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
