i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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