On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
