Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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