Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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