no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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