and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
