I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
