I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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