marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
