There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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