He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize