i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
