I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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