at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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