It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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