Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
