I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
