C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
