i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize