Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
