he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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