I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize