I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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