Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
