the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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