If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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