..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
