We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
