I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
