You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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