if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
