he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
