Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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