This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Life is so much better after having sex.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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