Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize