ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Randomize
