i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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