I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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