my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
