new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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