you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My ass is underappreciated
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
