it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
