Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
