hotel room ftw
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Welp...herpes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
