I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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