He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
