well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
