Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
