He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
