If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
