i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
