I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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