im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize