That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
MIDGETS
????
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
