My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
