You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize