Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
