Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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