mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
