There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize