I am puke
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
