member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
