If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
