She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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