I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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