im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
