im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
