He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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